The Soul-Crushing Reality of Job Seeking
I've found myself looking for a job a couple of times in my career, and it has always been a grueling experience. This time, it doesn't seem like it's getting any better.
The NLNet fiasco
If you read my blog 7 months ago, when I quit my job to explore new opportunities, you may be wondering what I've been doing ever since.
The first few months, I did exactly what I was planning: I took a break. But it wasn't long before I started moving some pieces for my next projects. On October 1st, I submitted 3 proposals for an NLNet grant. The plan was to get a response by the end of 2024, and see where to go from there. You can read my original submissions here:
Given that you're reading this, things didn't quite work out. Long story short, on March 6th (5 months later), I was notified that I wasn't getting the grant. Needless to say, I was bummed out. But not for the reasons you may imagine. Sure, it sucks being rejected; but the worst aspects of the process were the agonizing wait and the lack of feedback throughout.
In case you weren't familiar with NLNet, I decided to apply because many people working in the Solid ecosystem have been funded by them. And from conversations with previous grantees, I learned they usually replied within a few weeks. But I was extremely unlucky with my timing, because they've had noticeable delays in the most recent calls due to an increase in applicants.
However, something worse than waiting was the lack of feedback. For months, I only got generic emails about delays and the status of the review. Including one at the end of January revealing that I had been selected for the second round, but also without any specifics about my project. Then, on March 3rd, I finally got some questions about my submission. I replied immediately, and 3 days later my project was rejected. I wonder if my answers to that email were really that bad!
To their credit, I got some feedback after following up. And I can't say I disagree with their reasons, though I also realized that we aren't aligned in some aspects. But it would have been nice to find out sooner.
In short, it wasn't a great experience. But the thing is, I cannot blame them. The increase in applicants was just bad luck, but I had no reason to believe that I would get any feedback. I didn't realize it at the time, but effectively I was entering a process very similar to applying for a job. And as I've learned the hard way, it's very rare to get any feedback or meaningful takeaways from these rejections.
And there is one very particular reason why this happens: the power imbalance.
The power imbalance
Here's the thing. There is an inherent asymmetry in most hiring processes. First of all, people hiring have almost nothing to gain from rejected applicants. But also, the ratio of applicants to reviewers is usually in the hundreds if not thousands. That is, for each reviewer there are probably hundreds of people applying.
This situation results in a process than can be very for demoralizing for applicants, because it's not feasible to give personalized feedback and attention to everyone. It doesn't matter that you, as an applicant, have spent hours or even days crafting the perfect cover letter and work history. It could all end in 5 minutes, because unless they are convinced that you're worth looking into, they'll move on to the next candidate. There are different ways to deal with these rejections, and I certainly believe ghosting is the worst one, but going through a process that treats all candidates fairly is the exception rather than the rule. And don't even get me started on unpaid interview assignments, salary negotiations, and many other hurdles that make it unfair.
However, there is a cheat code: networking. If you have some connection inside the company, your chances of landing the job increase tremendously. It doesn't mean they'll hire you on the spot, but it does mean they'll at least look at your candidacy more closely. You may even get to skip some parts of the selection process altogether.
I was already aware of this, but I realized it's more relevant than I thought when Adam Wathan, the creator of TailwindCSS, shared their hiring experience. They posted 2 offers, and out of 1600 applicants, exactly 0 were hired. Instead, the two who ended up getting the job came through networking and didn't even apply. It seems like effort didn't play such a big part after all.
This gets even worse when you consider that many offers don't even make it to a job board, or don't exist at all! It's not uncommon for companies to be heads down on their work, not looking for anyone new. But they will be more than happy to hire the right person if they happen to cross their paths.
Unfortunately, this isn't getting any better in the AI-era. This imbalance is growing ever greater, with applicants flooding job postings with AI applications, tech workers going through massive layoffs, and the uncertainty of whether AI will take our jobs (I don't think so). Today, the human connection is more important than ever.
This realization has led me to believe that skills are not as important as I thought for getting a job. Of course, they must be important for keeping a job. But for job hunting, soft skills like marketing and networking may be more impactful than actual skills related to your job (unless, of course, you're working in marketing or sales).
Also, when I say networking, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to literally know someone on the inside. But it does mean they have to know you. For example, if you're working in the open and they are familiar with your work, they'll certainly consider your application more carefully. It also doesn't hurt if you're already working at a popular company.
So, where does that leave me? I'm not great at networking, and even though I work in the open, my audience is almost non-existent.
You could say this is only an excuse I'm telling myself, and I'm actually lousy at my job as well (besides sucking at networking). But I'm pretty sure the people I've worked with have been happy with my contributions. And the worst part of The Job Seeking Experience is that most of the time I don't even make it to the interview or technical test. The most common response I get is also the more frustrating: silence.
But it is also possible that I'm not applying to the right positions. The truth is that I've been very selective with my shots, and I've only applied for 2 positions since I quit working at Moodle: Laravel and Mastodon. Indeed, weeks later, I'm still waiting to hear from them.
The clear answer is that I shouldn't be so picky. But before we get there, let me backtrack a little. When did I become selective in the first place?
The passion lie
Once upon a time, I was a bright-eyed computer programmer who had just finished their studies, and I had no idea of what the software industry had to offer. That's when I moved to Taiwan for a few months, and started my professional career. At the time, I didn't have many aspirations, and I was just happy to get paid for writing with code.
However, as time went on, I started to learn more about the industry, and I started working on my own side-projects. That's when I realized that I really loved programming, and I was spending more and more of my spare time coding as well. I also developed a taste for the type of code I wanted to write, and I started to think that maybe, I could enjoy my work as much as I enjoyed my side-projects.
I'm sure you've seen this before. Maybe you had a co-worker who also coded in their spare time, or maybe you've done it yourself. And even though that wasn't the reason why I was doing it, I bought the idea that being passionate would bring me better opportunities. Some people even say that caring about quality code and craftsmanship is the key to avoid getting replaced by AI.
But now, I think that's a lie. Or rather, it's more nuanced than just "being passionate".
When I look back at my career, I can't think of a single time when caring about my craft has opened any doors. And you could argue that it's impossible for potential employers to know about it unless they've worked with me. But that's when working in the open and publishing your work comes in.
In the last 6 years, I've been very public about my work with Solid. And it seemed to have paid off. I've made contacts with most people in the ecosystem, I'm often highlighted as one of the main app developers in the community, and two of my apps were featured in Tim Berners-Lee's keynote at the WeAreDevelopers World Congress.
And yet... I've failed miserably to find an opportunity to work with Solid full-time. The problem is not that I wasn't passionate enough. The crude reality is, put simply, that there is not enough going on with Solid.
The nuance to being passionate is that it really matters what you're passionate about. For example, if you look at classical musicians, there can only be 2 French Horn soloists in the world making a living at any given time. It doesn't matter that you're a great surfer, you can't surf without a wave. If you simply follow your passion, you may end up at a dead end.
And I know, this is kind of obvious when you think about it. But without my realizing, I had been reinforcing this belief with my media diet.
The Instagram effect
Well, I don't even have an Instagram account, so I guess I should call it "The RSS effect" because I get most of my information from podcasts and blogs. And that's definitely distorting my vision of reality. I spend my days listening to how great everyone else's life is, and how their passion lead them to a successful career. But that's only the tip of the iceberg.
I have been listening to too many Steve Jobs quotes:
For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?". And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
When I should have been listening to Mark Manson's:
All of this "every person can be extraordinary and achieve greatness" stuff is basically just jerking off your ego. It's a message that tastes good going down, but in reality is nothing more than empty calories that make you emotionally fat and bloated, the proverbial Big Mac for your heart and your brain. The ticket to emotional health, like that to physical health, comes from eating your veggies—that is, accepting the bland and mundane truths of life.
One bland and mundane truth of life is that not everyone can be Aaron Francis.
The problem with living in such environment is that, subconsciously, I've been lead to believe that I'll only be happy if I get to work at one of these companies I admire. Or create my own. But the truth is that my job doesn't need to align completely with my passion.
I have to accept that I might not make it.
Managing expectations
Shooting for the stars is not inherently wrong, but you shouldn't set unrealistic expectations either. It would be nice if every passionate developer could make a living with their open-source project that is trying to make a better Web. Instead, we live in a world with billionaires making more money in their sleep than you'll make in your entire life.
I realize this article hasn't been the most uplifting thing you've read this week. But to be honest, it reflects my current state of mind as I'm trying to recalibrate my expectations. Which is, turns out, the real key to happiness because You Can't Always Get What You Want.
The truth is that I probably won't get to pursue my passion, at least not fulltime. And that's ok. I had been melding my love of programming with my professional career, but there's nothing wrong with keeping them apart. It's just weird that they are so close together!
I should also be more grateful of how extremely lucky I have already been. I'm aware of my privileged position, and I shouldn't take it for granted.
What now?
Indeed, what now?
For one, my involvement with Solid will probably decrease. I don't think I'll stop altogether, because I still believe in its vision and enjoy working on my apps (that's why I started in the first place). But it's definitely going back to being a side-project. Though I may still experiment with some businessy ideas, because I really think I should improve my marketing skills.
Something else I'm changing is my job hunting approach. I already mentioned that I've been too selective, and I had this stupid rule to avoid being in too many selection processes in parallel. Mostly because I would hate to get a better offer when I already committed elsewhere. But seeing how things are going, that's very unlikely to happen.
And finally, I'm recalibrating how I'll evaluate new opportunities. Last time I was on the market, I wrote a blog post outlining what I was looking for. Astute readers will notice that I didn't even mention compensation, because I've always been frugal and I don't have big expenses. But if I'm going to be working at a job I'm not particularly passionate about, I may as well make the most of it.
The ideal solution would be to find great companies that are not as notorious as the Laravels of the world. I'd be thrilled to work at a small, little known company that is doing quality work. The problem is that, by definition, it's very difficult to find them!
On that note, if you know of any opportunities that could work for me, please let me know. I'm all ears.